Okay, okay. It’s been a looong time since I’ve published a post. But I have a good reason for it: I MOVED TO LA!!! And now that I’m finally getting settled in I had time to sit down and write a blog post.
Yes, I moved to LA and it was the best decision of my life. As always, there’s a story and lesson that goes along with it that I’m going to share with you. 🙂 Along the way I listened to an audio book (that I will share with you below) that was really a wake-up call for how much I was still letting fear control my life, despite being a free-spirited go-with-the-flow kind of person most of the time.
Along with sharing my journey of moving across the country and kicking my fears out for good, I’m going to teach you how to recognize your fears and overcome them.
So, I moved to LA??
I have wanted to move to LA since I first visited 3 years ago. Right away, I knew I belonged here. There was just something about the city that drew me in, and made me feel at home.
My whole life, I never really felt like I fit in or was meant to be in the midwest. Sure it was home and always will be, but I knew there was something more out there for me. After highschool, I moved to Florida for college thinking that was where I’d stay put, only to move home 6 months later because I was homesick.
But LA was different. I knew I had to do anything I could to get here someday.
For the last 8 months, I had been living in Omaha, Nebraska, with a guy I was seriously dating. We were doing long distance for over a year when I lived in Minneapolis, so I decided to take the jump and move to Omaha to be with him. Living there wasn’t intended to be long term, since I was determined to get to LA.
Omaha was a lot harder on me than I expected. I didn’t have any of my own friends, it was hard for me to connect with people, and I worked from home – so I was alone a LOT. I wanted to be strong and believe I could handle anything but I let it take a toll on me, and take a toll on my relationship.
That’s when opportunity in LA showed up as if it was meant to be. I got offered a job, found an apartment, and started heading across the country all within a few weeks. Everything fell into place.
Leaving was hard. I had wanted this for so long, but when the time came to actually leave, I started questioning everything. How could I know I was making the right choice? As a result of achieving my biggest dream of moving to LA, I’d be losing my relationship, leaving all of my family and friends, and taking one of the biggest risks I’ve ever taken — by myself.
Was I scared? YES.
I was going to a new city, all alone, across the country, far away from my family. The few weeks leading up to the move were an emotional roller coaster. I started convincing myself I didn’t want to move anymore. That I was fine where I was: having a quiet, mediocre life in the Midwest, in a relationship that was nice and comfortable, but deep down not truly what I wanted.
So if I’ve wanted to move to LA for so long, why all of a sudden was I trying to convince myself to settle for comfortable and mediocre? One word: FEAR.
A little bit about fear:
Fear is our main state and constantly trying to take over. Subconsciously we believe that we need to protect ourselves to stay alive. We hold on to crazy protection mechanisms that shield us from experiencing love and true happiness. Because fear is easier. Fear is what we know, and fear is comfortable.
When we give in to fear, we are resisting love. Resisting love keeps us in darkness, stuck in patterns that keep us from being happy.
The problem is, often we don’t see that we are giving into fear. We’re so used to it, we don’t even realize that it’s what we are doing. But once you acknowledge fear is holding you back, you can let go of it.
While driving across the country, I started listening to a new audio book, “The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith” by Gabrielle Bernstein. THANK FREAKING GOODNESS I started listening to this book. It was like a switch went off in my brain. It helped me realize that all of what I was feeling (as I was driving across the country bawling my eyes out and overwhelmed with sadness for all that I was losing) was just fear.
The second I realized I was being sucked in by fear, I could change the way I looked at the situation and overcome my fear.
Below are 3 helpful steps to overcoming your fears. Grab a paper and pen and follow along.
Overcoming Your Fears, Step By Step
Step 1: Recognize Your Fears
First you need to recognize what your fears actually are. Really dig deep and be honest with yourself. What could be the reason behind an emotion you are feeling?
Questions you should ask yourself in this step:
- What fear based stories are you telling yourself?
- How are these fears holding you back or keeping you from being happy?
Three main fears I realized I had:
1. Fear of being alone
This fear was keeping me in an unhappy relationship. I had been alone plenty before, I lived alone for 3 years before moving in with my boyfriend. But I am getting older, meeting people is harder. What if I don’t find someone new? What if I don’t find someone who I am as comfortable with?
I knew deep down my boyfriend and I weren’t right for each other and would be much happier apart. Still, I want someone to share my life with and I was afraid that if I gave up what I had with my boyfriend, there would be a chance I wouldn’t find someone again and it terrified me a bit.
2. Fear of failure
This fear was keeping me from taking the plunge to move to LA for quite some time. There were so many “what if’s” that were secretly running through my head. What if my job doesn’t work out? How will I afford to live there? What if I’m not good enough?
These questions kept me stuck where I was for a long time. I kept convincing myself I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t far along enough in my career, wasn’t making enough money, etc.
3. Fear of abandonment / Fear of being forgotten
This fear kept me believing I needed to stay where I was for the sake of those around me. My family needed me. My friends didn’t want me to leave. My youngest brother was still 8 years old, how could I leave him to grow up without a sister?
Really this was me fearing being forgotten about, fearing no longer being needed. I would be all alone in LA, with no one to talk to or rely on because my family and friends have forgotten about me.
Step 2: Rewrite your fears with the truth
Now is time for you to look at the fears you listed in step 1, and decide to change the way you are perceiving the situation. You have now recognized these stories as fears. Instead of continuing to look them with fear, what would happen if you chose to look at them with love?
Take a step back, and maybe a deep breath, to look at these stories from an outside perspective. Are your fear based stories really true?
Here are my stories rewritten, this time from a place of love instead of fear:
1. Old fear of being alone –>
I have been alone before, and I was perfectly fine and happy. I am capable of being happy by myself, without a relationship. Just because I will be single and alone again, doesn’t mean I will be alone forever!
I will be surrounded by people I love, and I want to take some time to myself to be single. It will allow me to grow into the person I want to become before starting a life with someone else. I can let go of trying to find someone and give my trust to the Universe. The right person will walk into my life at the right time.
2. Old fear of failure –>
I have made many mistakes and have failed before, but it was always okay in the end. Mistakes are a part of life and help you learn and grow as a person. I can be focusing on all the things that could go RIGHT instead of all the things that could go wrong. My new job is amazing and I am so ready to give it my all and succeed. Even if I do fail, I have faith that I will be able to figure it out.
Worrying about failure and lack of money is a waste of time. If I want something bad enough, I can always make it happen, and that’s what LA is for me.
I remember many times in the past that I scrambled to round up enough money to book a flight to come out here. I remember driving around to pawn shops to sell old jewelry, ATMs to deposit any random cash or change I found, picking up as many extra shifts at work as I could; anything I could do to get just enough money to book my flight.
At the end of the day, I have always been able make ends meet.
3. Old fear of abandonment / Fear of being forgotten –>
The people who love me and care about me will always be there. They support me and are happy for my new adventure and my decision to move to LA. They will not forget about me and I know they are always a phone call away. Even if I may not have them to talk to quite as often, I know I will make new friends here and I will not be alone.
(As for my little brother, I downloaded skype on his iPad so he can video-call me whenever he wants 🙂 He has even called me from daycare to show me a fort that he made, how cute is that?!)
Step 3: Let the universe take over and choose to see the world with love instead
This is the fun part. It can be difficult at first, and take a while to get used to, but I promise you it’s fun.
When we choose to believe in fear, we are separated from the love of the universe. When we choose love and rely on the universe, we raise our frequency and become a magnet for miracles. If you add more love into your life, you will attract back more of it from the universe.
This is really just about choosing to look that your fears differently. Learning how to stop worrying about them and trust that everything is going to work out in the end.
Because the world you perceive.. is the world you live in. You have created your reality with your perception, and understanding that is a huge step.
It’s very scary to take responsibility for the world we have created.
No one wants to admit that something bad that happened to them could be a result of their thoughts, attitude, or actions. But remember, just like your future and present depend on your perception, so can your past. It’s a long process and you can choose to see your negative thoughts and actions with love, and be patient with yourself, because you are healing and growing.
So choose to see everything with a more loving and positive light. Whatever deep-seeded fear is holding you back, find out what it is and change the story you’re telling yourself. Stop with the “what-if’s” and leave that part up to the universe.
We often feel the need to control the outcome of so many things in our lives.
We tell ourselves some fear-based story about the situation and feel the need to control the situation so we can know exactly what to expect. But when you get caught up in a fear or a story and worry about every single little detail of how something is going to work out, you cut yourself off from so many possibilities the universe could bring to you.
There could be something out there so much better than you ever imagined, but you could be blocking yourself from it by trying to control the outcome yourself.
Letting go of this control and trusting the universe to do its thing can be terrifying. This is why it’s a practice. Do things to get more in touch with the universe and your higher self like meditate, do yoga, spend time in nature. The more you tune in to this energy, the more at ease you will feel about the unknown. Get excited about not knowing what’s in store for you; it could be better than you ever imagined.
Try walking out the door in the morning and saying, “Let’s see what the world has in store for me today” rather than thinking, “Today better go exactly as I planned.”
As promised, here is the book/audio book by Gabrielle Bernstein that seriously helped me as I was making the boldest and scariest move of my life. Click on the image below to get it on Amazon:
The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith by Gabrielle Bernstein
I hope this post has helped or inspired you, as always post questions/comments below <3
PS – Like empowering self development books like “The Universe Has Your Back“?? Here are my other top must-reads:
Nicole you are such an inspiration. I love you and miss you and I am sooooo proud of you!!!
Thanks Nicole, you are too! 🙂 Love and miss you bunches!